“Just Hear Me!”: When Generations Collide in Parenting

By G. “Gigi” McKinney, LCSW

They Want to Be Heard—Not Corrected

One of the most common concerns I hear from parents is this:

“My kid just wants me to listen, not say anything back. Not give feedback. Not intervene. Just… listen. And if I do say something, I’m accused of attacking or criticizing them—even when I’m trying to help.”

This isn’t just frustrating. It’s confusing. Especially for parents who genuinely believe they’re offering guidance out of love and experience.

But here’s the challenge: Gen Z and Alpha children aren’t just rejecting control. They’re rejecting what they perceive as emotional invalidation. They want to be heard, yes—but more than that, they want to be understood without correction.

To them, your silence might mean safety. Your feedback, no matter how lovingly intended, can feel like judgment.

Internalizing vs. Intervening

When a parent chooses to withhold advice—often out of respect for their child’s space—it can sometimes backfire. Young Adults, especially those who are highly sensitive or anxious, may internalize that silence.

- “My mom didn’t say anything… does that mean she’s disappointed in me?”

- “Why didn’t my dad step in… does he not care?”

- “I must’ve let them down.”

This creates a silent emotional loop: Parents stay quiet to avoid conflict. Children interpret silence as rejection. Everyone walks away hurt.

The Trauma of Toughness

Many of us were raised in households where crying was weakness, emotions were irrelevant, and survival depended on grit. There was no space for softness. No time for therapy. No vocabulary for anxiety or depression.

So now, when we hear our children ask for space, softness, or sensitivity, it can sound like weakness. Like entitlement. Like something we never had the luxury to afford.

That’s a real, valid frustration. But projecting it onto our children won’t prepare them for life—it may alienate them from us entirely.

The Power Struggle is Real—and Emotional

Many young adults today are not just pushing back against your rules. They’re resisting the power dynamic that comes with parenthood.

They are hypersensitive to hierarchy. Raised in a world of online ‘equal’ they are deeply skeptical of anything that feels like top-down control—even if it’s rooted in care. That’s why they often turn to their “camp” (friends, peers, online communities) who reinforce their perspective and validate their pain.

To them, parenting can feel like oppression, even if it’s anything but.

So… What Do We Do?

There’s no one-size-fits-all fix. But here are a few grounded strategies:

1. Ask instead of assert. Say: “Can I offer a suggestion?” instead of “Here’s what you need to do.”

2. Separate support from control. Help in ways that feel like care, not correction.

3. Name the gap. Say: “We grew up in different worlds. I’m trying to understand yours.”

4. Give gifts, not guilt. Yes—they love thoughtful gestures. But they don’t want strings attached.

5. Respect goes both ways. Young adults: Your parents are learning, too. They’re trying—sometimes clumsily—but often with love.

Final Word: We All Want the Same Thing

Parents, hang in there. You’re not crazy. You’re not wrong for feeling the disconnect. Children, young adults—please know that your parents are showing up, often in the best way they know how.

We’re all trying to be heard.

We’re all trying to feel safe.

And somewhere between the silence and the shouting, there is space for compassion, curiosity, and connection.

Let’s meet there.